I do not have out door furniture!!!

Every Thursday I host life group at my house. A group of ladies get together and meet, have snacks and dive into God's word. It is my most favorite time of the week!! But this Thursday was going to be a little different! We have quite a few October birthdays in our group so we decided to just spend a Thursday night celebrating these sweet girls and creating community within our group by painting pumpkins outside and enjoying the fall weather! I was sooo excited and looking foward to doing something different with these women...Until an hour before our group was going to meet and it hit me... I have NO out door furniture. NONE. No table, no chairs, no where for twenty women to get their craft on with their baby pumpkins. I wanted to quit. I was seconds away from calling my friend Brittany and having her send out a mass text with a new meeting place because I was not equipped to host this. As women, I think we can all agree that feeling like this is one of our biggest struggles, at least it is mine. I feel like we are in constant battle with ourselves and our thoughts that we are not enough. Rather it be in our physical appearance, in our relationships or even in our calling. Sometimes I think women, myself included, get so caught up in all the things we lack that we forget and drown out all of the things that we do have. We say no to God and the things he's called us to do because we don't think we have what it takes to do the things he's asked of us. But here's the thing... When God has called us or ask us to do something, He doesn't need you to have all the things you think you need or things that you don't have. He just needs you to say YES. He just wants you to use the things and the talents that he has already blessed you with. How many times have you put something off or said no to something you knew God was calling you to do because you felt ill-equipped. I know I have on more than one occasion. Last night I didn't feel like I had what it took to be a host to these women. I thought I didn't have what I needed... I didn't have patio furniture. I had nothing to facilitate twenty women to paint pumpkins outside and enjoy the fall weather. BUT guess what!? We STILL painted pumpkins, we STILL had a night of community among women who love Jesus and desire to know him more. New friendships were STILL made and old friendships were STILL strengthened. Women STILL heard Brittany share from her heart about the unfailing and redeeming God has for each of us. It all STILL happened! None of things I didn't have mattered. All I had to offer was a kitchen table and a willingness (after a small panic attack haha) to use the things that I did have to follow through with something God has called me to do. And that was all that I needed and was all God wanted me to have. Who would have thought that God would have used something so small and simple like not having out door furniture to teach me something so Big. I want to encourage you to not let the feeling of being ill-equipped to stop you from following your dreams and moving forward with the things you know God has called and created you to do!! Don't let the feeling of not being enough drown out the great things God has in store for you!!! “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Eph. 2:10

Don't be silenced...

Today in my devotion time with the Lord, I spent some time in the word reading Luke 1:1-25. This passage is about Zechariah and Elizabeth, the parents of John The baptist. For those of you who aren't familiar with the story of these two and the news about the coming of John the baptist I will give you a quick recap.

So this man Zechariah and his wife Elizabeth are two pretty old people who love God. Elizabeth longed to have a child but was not able because she was barren. And then one day Zechariah was visited by the angel Gabriel and was told that his wife Elizabeth would have a son and his name would be John. In verse 18 Zechariah responded to the angel by saying "How shall I now this? For I am an old man and my wife is advanced in years?" Pretty much saying to Gabriel look man, my wife is old how in the world do you expect her to have a baby, and because of Zechariah's disbelief in what God had just promised him, he was silenced. Zechariah was not able to speak until the birth of John the baptist.

I learned a few things from this story that I wanted to share with you! 

Let's start with Elizabeth. I am positive that Elizabeth felt a void from the lack of children she was unable to conceive. I know people who are in their 30's who have trouble conceiving a child and the devastation that it causes. How much more devastated Elizabeth must have been to be barren and on top of that now she is old. BUT even though, even though,  Elizabeth had given up on the prayer that she might have a child, she didn't give up on God. In verse 6 & 7 it tells us "6 And they were both righteous before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and statutes of the Lord. 7 but they had no child.."  We have to be like Elizabeth, we can't give up on God just because he hasn't given us what we've asked for, we have to love and serve him in our storm. 

Now on to  Zechariah. I want you to think about the most repetitious prayer that you have prayed in your life. You see there is no doubt that Zechariah had prayed and prayed for his wife to be blessed with a child, but at this stage in Elizabeth's life it would have been some sort of miracle for her to become pregnant. For Pete's sake she was old and I am sure they had tried every which way to have a baby, but it just never happened. It seemed impossible. But one day this beautiful angel show's up on the scene with a promise from God that their miracle was on it's way, but even then Zechariah was in disbelief. He questioned Gabriel he wanted to know how he could be sure, Gabriel's words just weren't enough. Because of Zechariah's disbelief he was silenced!!! 

Can you imagine?? You just had a face to face conversation with a magnificent angel and found out that your wife who you thought couldn't have children was going to have a son, and you can't even tell anyone. You are silenced. I don't know about you, but as a girl who loves to talk, I would have went bonkers!! Just think about all conversations Zechariah missed out on because of his disbelief. The bible tells in verse 20 "And behold, you will be silent and unable to speak until the day that these things take place, because you did not believe my words..." Until his miracle was fulfilled he missed out. 

Don't be like Zechariah, don't be silenced. If God has promised something to you and you are in a season of waiting, I want to challenge you. Please don't miss out on the joy God has in store for you while you wait. I want to challenge you to wait with anxious expectation. Wait with the belief that the God you are petitioning is great and powerful and IS capable of giving you the miracle. Don't be silenced, just believe. 

My son was gone...

Today, Landon and I were invited to a birthday party for my very best friend's daughter, Natalie!  We were both excited to watch Natalie celebrate her birthday with her family and friends, and I was doubly excited because it meant I was able to spend the day outside with the most precious gift God ever blessed me with, my son Landon.  But, I never expected to experience what happened next.
When we first arrived I noticed how large the playground was and how many people were also enjoying this beautiful day. I was a little apprehensive letting Landon lose to play freely with his friends without hovering over him the whole time, but I know he is getting older and I needed to loosen the reins a bit.  I walked around the play ground to check it out and I was relieved that I  was only able to find one way to exit, so with that peace of mind,  I let him go and play. I even thought to myself, in that moment, I couldn't believe he was at the age now where I felt comfortable doing this. Every few minutes I would check on him and catch a glimpse of his little white head running around like the ninja he is, but then all of a sudden, I couldn't spot him.
It was a large playground so I initially didn't freak out and I started to walk through the play ground imaging his little head popping up and I would feel relieved...but I didn't. By this time the other adults had started to search for him also and I told myself  "It's ok Bethany don't freak out just call his name" but after three times circling the area and calling his name over and over again, I LOST IT! This just can't be happening, my son can't be gone. I couldn't breath; people were asking me what he was wearing and I seriously didn't think I could get the words out of my mouth and not throw up. Tears were streaming down my face and I could barely yell his little name. I felt faint. I don't know how many of you reading this are parents or if this has ever happened to you before, but I don't know that I've experienced anything more heart wrenching and devastating.  My baby boy was no where to be found, and I had no idea what happened to him. And just before I started to yelled to everyone on that playground to stay exactly where they were and not move, I heard "I think he his over here" For the next fifteen minutes I was in my own little world, I can't imagine loving anything more than I love that child and just the mere thought of him being gone from me was more than I could handle.  Out of all the horrible things that I imagined could have happened to Landon when I was searching for him it had to be that someone had taken him from me. You see, I know what makes Landon happy and I know what makes him sad. I know everything about him, I know that he has two moles behind each of his little knees, and I also know that Leonardo is his favorite Ninja Turtle. He is my child and there isn't anyone else that knows him better than me........except God.
That's when I was overwhelmed how God must feel when we step out from under God's care and love.  If I love Landon as much as I do and I am only human, can you even begin to imagine how much God loves YOU?  Psalm 139 13-14 says it all "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..."  He made you, he knows exactly what you need and what you don't. He has plans for you and he had those plans long before you were born "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do"(Ephesians 2:10) He is YOUR creator, and He knows YOU!
Today, when I layed eyes on that precious boy,  I immediately started running towards him. I didn't care that he had gone to a place I told him not to and I didn't care that I had to call his name over and over again with no answer. I was just happy that my child was back in my arms where he belonged, and I know if I  feel this way about my child, I have no doubt it is how God feels about us.
God doesn't care where you are or where you have been. He doesn't care if he's been calling your name for the last twenty years with no response. He loves you more than you could ever imagine. His grace is never ending and his love is never failing, and He just wants you back in His arms where you belong!!!

If it's been a long time since you have heard just how much God loves you, I would like to encourage you to be my guest tomorrow morning at Revolution Church at the Central YMCA in Gastonia at 10:30


^{Romans 8:38-39
38} For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Crippling Expectations

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where the man or woman you love seems to continually disappoint you or fall short?  If you are anything like me, you may be able to deal with it for a time and a season, but eventually you reach a point when enough is enough and we throw in our flag and give up. I remember a time in my life where I thought I had no choice but to give up on my relationship with my fiancé, Chris.  Don’t get me wrong, Chris is a great provider, wonderful dad to our son, and I have never questioned his commitment to me; however I just didn't feel loved. I didn't THINK my expectations were unrealistic, I didn't expect a dozen roses when I walked in from work every day, I just wanted to feel loved, the little things like holding my hand, compliments and such ( I know the ladies know what I’m talking about). Well right about the time I decided I just couldn’t handle anymore disappointment I came to the realization that the things I had experienced in my life had not only set me up to need an overdose of love and affection but also had made me totally insecure and afraid about any situation I found myself in. I needed to constantly feel loved, safe, and secure and Chris was who I looked to for that.  As I started to consider my past and how it had affected me, I also began to consider Chris's past and how it might have affected him.  Chris had never been in a situation where he was completely depended upon, and I’m not exactly what you would call an “independent woman”, especially when it comes to my emotional needs, so it hadn't exactly been easy breezy for him either. We talked about it all and I shared my feelings with him. When the line of communication was open and clear, Chris and I began to work on things.  We both understood each other’s needs and made a commitment to do our best to fix what was wrong. We both agreed that our love for one another was far too real to call it quits.  Chris began to do the small things more often than before, like holding my hand and telling me I was beautiful.  I also started to work on my feelings of insecurity and fear that he would leave me just as my parents had.  For a while, things began to look up, but it didn’t last long.  Chris gave his best effort to make me feel loved and reassure me that my insecurities were false, but it just wasn't enough. I can’t even begin to tell you how devastated I felt when I thought the relationship with the man I planned to marry and the father of my son had come to an end…and then something happened.  Now you can call me crazy, but I don’t think it’s any coincidence that this all took place at the same time I could see God relentlessly pursuing my heart and I made the decision to give my life back to Him.  I just couldn’t understand why I had gained a relationship with God, but I was losing the one with the man I loved.  I prayed and prayed and asked God to change him, and that’s when God revealed to me that Chris wasn’t the problem, it was ME.  You see, Chris was definitely the most important person in my life, and my happiness was strongly dependent on him and how I thought he felt about me.  The expectation I had for him wasn't for him to simply hold my hand and compliment me, I had been expecting him to be my EVERYTHING... my love, my best friend, my protector, my provider, and so much more.  The expectations that I had placed on him were BEYOND unrealistic.  It doesn’t matter how incredible and wonderful Chris actually is, it is totally impossible for a MAN to do a job that GOD only intended for Himself.  When I allowed God to be my EVERYTHING my love, my best friend, my protection, and my provider; the expectation I had put on Chris quickly began to fade along with the constant disappointment. Once I finally quit expecting Chris to do something for me that only God can do, our love exploded and is stronger now than ever before.  We live in a world where everything changes; Jobs change, body images change, your financial situation can change, everything can change.  I don’t know about you, but I’ll take my chances on letting the only thing from the beginning of time that hasn’t changed to be my EVERYTHING, rather than something or someone that can change overnight and can be gone within a blink of an eye!  God, I can never thank you enough for saving my life and my relationship.  Thank you for blessing me with such an incredible man that I am now madly in love with all because You allowed me to free him of all the unrealistic expectations I had put on him!    

John 14:27 “I am leaving you with a gift- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”

Life-Changing Baptism

Several months ago I made the decision to be baptized.  I had recently given my life back to Christ and growing up in a Christian home had taught me that being baptized was my next step of obedience and a way of showing everyone around me an outward expression of an inward change that had happened in my life.  When I decided that I should be baptized that was exactly what I was doing, I was being obedient and I was proclaiming Christ as my savior, and that was it… to me it meant nothing more and nothing less. 

As time passed I became more and more involved at Revolution. I began to surround myself with amazing people who were teaching me so much about this sweet Jesus that I had surrendered my life to.  Sadly, up until this point my view on God had been clouded with a lot of what you can’t do when you follow him rather than what you CAN do when you choose to follow Him.  I learned that God already knows that I can’t walk perfectly, but that I CAN walk perfectly in his grace and mercy.  I learned that God already knows my next step and decision before I ever make it, and because he already knows that he can never be disappointed in me.  I learned that he never uncovers something hurtful in our lives without providing everything we need to be healed.  I learned that he is my protection; never again do I have to spend my time building walls around my heart to protect myself from being hurt because He guards it for me.  Most importantly I learned that this amazing God is willing and ready to take away all of my sorrows.  This may not seem like a huge deal to a lot of you, but to me, there isn’t anything greater.  Maybe things in your life have always been great, maybe you don’t have any troubles or sorrows to bare, and if that’s the case I would consider yourself truly blessed.  Although for me, I can’t say the same for my life.  I’ve faced some pretty low times, I have experienced a lot of heartache, and I could probably write an entire book on all the hurt I’ve felt. But now I know that He will always be there to pick me up when I fall, He has the ability to mend my broken heart that seemed impossible to be made whole again, and He can turn my hurt into joy.   This amazing God can do all of this for me and all I have to do is simply ask… seems pretty unrealistic huh? Well, my life is a perfect testimony of his amazing grace.  I had tried anything and everything, and it wasn’t until I ran out of things to try did I decide to turn to him, and even though He had become my last resort, when I came running to Him, I found Him standing with his arms open wide ready to embrace every part of me.  He embraced my hurt, my struggles, my shame, my sadness, and my unforgiving heart; not only did he embrace every part of myself that I hated, but He was willing to take any part of me that was damaged and make it new and whole. 

After learning all of these amazing things that God has the power to do for me, being baptized today became so much more than just my next step of obedience and a public proclamation of my salvation, being baptized today was incredibly symbolic to me.  This morning, I walked into that water a hurt and broken hearted girl; a girl that in every way imaginable was nothing more than a lost cause.  I was carrying more hurt and pain and unforgiveness than I could bare, but I am so excited to tell you that the girl that walked into the water is no where near the same person who walked out.  The girl that walked out of that water this morning is no longer hurting, my heart is no longer broken, and I am the FARTHEST thing from a lost cause you can find!!! I am happily no longer that damaged girl, today I have been made new and  for the first time in my life I am complete and whole!!! 

Something silly turned into beautiful

Although I was only a child, I can still remember as if it were yesterday watching my momma run around our house cleaning like a crazy lady with the radio blaring as loud as it would go! Like most of us, music always seemed to motivate her and get her going, and by the time she was done, our house would be immaculate. Typically her choice of music would be some sort of Christian radio or Christian CD, and it was without fail, when that was her choice of music, I could catch her standing completely still every so often with her eyes closed, hands lifted high, and singing even more loudly than before.  Admittedly, as a child this would often confuse me.  I can remember thinking to myself, what in the world she is doing?? Does she know how silly she looks? We aren’t even at church, there is no band, and it is just her and that dust thingy she would carry around attacking every dust bunny she could find.  I never thought that my memory of my momma looking completely silly would turn into a memory of something so beautiful. 

As I get older I find myself being more and more like my mom in so many different ways, even more so now that I have given my life to the same Savior that she belonged to.  Fridays have become my designated day to “deep clean” my house. You know the sweeping, dusting, mopping, and attacking dust bunnies that you don’t have time to do during the work week.  But this morning I was having a hard time getting motivated clean, so just like my mom use to do I plugged in my skull candy’s and turned the music up on my phone as loud as it would go, and there it was out of nowhere I found my motivation.  It must be some sort of psychological thing that makes cleaning easier when you are doing it to music, who knows.  But anyway, my choice of music today was a Christian radio station on slacker radio.  I was cleaning like nobody’s business , and out of nowhere I found myself standing completely still with my eyes closed, hands lifted high, and singing as loudly as I possibly could; just like my mom use to do.  After I was finished having my “Jesus moment” I opened my eyes and started to laugh.  I thought to myself that it is officially, I am JUST like my momma. 

Some of you may know and others may not, but when I was 17 I lost both of my parents. My dad took my mom’s life and then proceeded to take his own.  For years I searched for a cure to heal my heart, and I was never able to find one.  I am happy to say that after a long journey, and a lot of dead end roads I finally did, I finally found God.  Since that moment when I gave my life to that awesome God I have found victory in my tragedy, and my life has completely and forever been changed! I can’t even begin to tell you all the wonderful things I have experienced since that moment. But today was definitely one of those wonderful experiences. 

My mother’s life, just like my own, had set her up to need a cure for her hurt just as I did.  Fortunately for her, she had found the same healer that I have found.  Today while I was cleaning and singing the words to the song that say “There is no power in hell, or any who can stand against the power of the presence of the Great I AM.”  It was clear to me why momma would lift her hands and praise God right there in the middle of our living room. Just like me, she had found an answer to all her hurt and sorrow.  Today it just wasn’t enough just to sing the words. As silly as it may have looked, I had to lift my hands and praise my God that completely redefined who I was.  The God who made it possible for me to no longer be the girl that lost both her parents, the girl that was broken and damaged, and the girl that no matter what she tried she was still the same empty and sad girl she was when she was seventeen. Instead I am the girl that is wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), the girl who may not understand why things happen but He will make them work out to the best of my benefit (Romans 8:28), and lastly the girl that even though what happened to me was meant to kill and destroy every part of my soul has the potential to save the lives of many (Genesis 50:20).  My story is no longer a tragedy, but instead it is an amazing victory; a story that I want to share with the entire world.  To me, that is something that deserves more than just singing the lyrics of a song, or saying a simple prayer.  That is something that makes me stop what I am doing, and give everything that I have, because God has given me a new life, He has given me a victory instead of a tragedy.  That is not something silly, but that is something incredibly beautiful. 

Useless Band-Aids

Two weeks ago tomorrow a girl that I have never met lost both her parents in a murder/suicide tragedy; she is only 17 which is the same age I was when I experienced the SAME tragedy with my parents. After this happened to this girl I began to receive multiple messages through face book and phone calls from people that I had never even met before asking me to reach out and connect with this young girl.  I was more than happy and willing to talk with her and just let her know that she wasn’t alone, and just offer her some encouragement through this difficult time; but I was SO unaware of all the emotions I was going to face. I guess about the third day or so into being aware of this young girl and what she was going through, I began to become overwhelmed with feelings and emotions that I had not felt or experienced in almost seven years.  I knew exactly what this girl was going through so I was extremely compassionate and sympathetic to how I assumed she was feeling, and I would be lying if I told you it didn’t feel like it had just happened to me ALL over again.  I began to feel hate, unforgiveness, hurt, anger, bitterness, any negative emotion that you can possibly think of, that’s how I felt.  It was almost as if someone had ripped away the band-aid I was using to cover my hurt and pain. As all of these hurtful emotions began to consume every part of me, my spirits weren’t joyful and bubbly the way that they have been since I gave my heart back to the one whom it belonged to.  My fiancé Chris had even started to notice the change in my attitude, everyday he would ask what was wrong with me, and everyday I would say “nothing”… but it wasn’t that nothing that was wrong, it was just nothing that I wanted to talk about.  I didn’t want to talk about how I felt like I had just lost both of my parents all over again.  I didn’t want to tell him how it felt to know that ME, his own daughter, wasn’t worth sticking around for and fixing whatever it was that was wrong.  I didn’t want to talk about the fact that my mom didn’t do what I think she could have done to avoid this tragedy, I didn’t want to talk about the torn feeling I had to love the man that was my daddy and to hate the man that took their lives.  I didn’t want to talk about ANY of it, I just wanted all the pain to go away. For the last seven years I have been desperately trying make this pain go away. I have been attempting to cover my hurt with Band-Aid after Band-Aid after Band-Aid.  I can remember the first Band-Aid that I chose, relationships, and when that didn’t work I tried the money Band-Aid, using money and materialistic things to fill a void that was so deep.  When money failed me, I have to shamefully admit my next Band-Aid became drugs and alcohol, I tried to numb myself from the pain that I was feeling, but of course that didn’t work either.  Oh but if I could just have my own family, a child of my own to love and care for, I would feel better. I wouldn’t feel sad and lonely, I would be needed and loved, I like to call this one my Landon Band-Aid.  But not even that precious blue eyed little boy could fix what was broken inside of me… with each Band-Aid I tried, I found myself at the same place I started, a hurt, damaged, sad, disappointed girl. I was at a dead-end road with no where to run, I had tried almost EVERYTHING, the only thing that I hadn’t turned to was God.  The only Band-Aid I hadn’t tried was the Jesus Band-Aid.  In my desperation to be happy, to not feel so broken, and just to have joy in my life, I reluctantly slapped on the Jesus Band-Aid. This Band-Aid was so different from all the others that I had worn before, I truly felt happy, content, and joyful.  This was it!  I had finally, after seven years of searching and trying one useless Band-Aid after another, I had actually found the one that worked.  So I guess you can understand the shock I felt when two weeks ago my Band-Aid was ripped right off with no hesitation.  For next several days I prayed like a crazy lady.  I prayed for peace, strength, I prayed for just about anything that could help me get through all the things I was feeling, but it wasn’t working.   It wasn’t making any sense, If I really do have this super awesome Jesus on my side why isn’t he helping me???  Why isn’t my Jesus Band-Aid working anymore?? Then it all became so clear to me, Jesus never wanted to be my Band-Aid.  He never wanted to just cover my hurt, he never wanted to just cover up my sadness, and he never wanted to just cover up my broken heart… He wanted to HEAL it.  For years I have been fighting a battle that has already been won.  I have been carrying feelings of hurt, brokenness, sadness, loneliness, and emptiness; all the while this amazing God has been waiting for me to give the hurt to him.  You see, God doesn’t want to be my Band-Aid because he doesn’t want me to need one. He doesn’t want me to carry any of those feelings or emotions anymore because he knows that I am not strong enough to carry them without falling, so he wants to carry them for me. You see, if I truly give God all of my hurt and pain, then I have nothing to cover and I have no use for a band-aid, and that is exactly what I am choosing to do from this point on.  Today, I choose to no longer be hurt and damaged and I choose to no longer fight a fight that has already been won.  Today, I choose to not just cover up my hurt with anymore Band-Aids, from this point on I choose to be healed and made new. Today I choose to give it ALL to God.  After all, everyone knows a wound will never heal if you leave the band-aid over it, eventually you have to rip off and let it heal. Thank you God for ripping my band-aid off for me.