Something silly turned into beautiful

Although I was only a child, I can still remember as if it were yesterday watching my momma run around our house cleaning like a crazy lady with the radio blaring as loud as it would go! Like most of us, music always seemed to motivate her and get her going, and by the time she was done, our house would be immaculate. Typically her choice of music would be some sort of Christian radio or Christian CD, and it was without fail, when that was her choice of music, I could catch her standing completely still every so often with her eyes closed, hands lifted high, and singing even more loudly than before.  Admittedly, as a child this would often confuse me.  I can remember thinking to myself, what in the world she is doing?? Does she know how silly she looks? We aren’t even at church, there is no band, and it is just her and that dust thingy she would carry around attacking every dust bunny she could find.  I never thought that my memory of my momma looking completely silly would turn into a memory of something so beautiful. 

As I get older I find myself being more and more like my mom in so many different ways, even more so now that I have given my life to the same Savior that she belonged to.  Fridays have become my designated day to “deep clean” my house. You know the sweeping, dusting, mopping, and attacking dust bunnies that you don’t have time to do during the work week.  But this morning I was having a hard time getting motivated clean, so just like my mom use to do I plugged in my skull candy’s and turned the music up on my phone as loud as it would go, and there it was out of nowhere I found my motivation.  It must be some sort of psychological thing that makes cleaning easier when you are doing it to music, who knows.  But anyway, my choice of music today was a Christian radio station on slacker radio.  I was cleaning like nobody’s business , and out of nowhere I found myself standing completely still with my eyes closed, hands lifted high, and singing as loudly as I possibly could; just like my mom use to do.  After I was finished having my “Jesus moment” I opened my eyes and started to laugh.  I thought to myself that it is officially, I am JUST like my momma. 

Some of you may know and others may not, but when I was 17 I lost both of my parents. My dad took my mom’s life and then proceeded to take his own.  For years I searched for a cure to heal my heart, and I was never able to find one.  I am happy to say that after a long journey, and a lot of dead end roads I finally did, I finally found God.  Since that moment when I gave my life to that awesome God I have found victory in my tragedy, and my life has completely and forever been changed! I can’t even begin to tell you all the wonderful things I have experienced since that moment. But today was definitely one of those wonderful experiences. 

My mother’s life, just like my own, had set her up to need a cure for her hurt just as I did.  Fortunately for her, she had found the same healer that I have found.  Today while I was cleaning and singing the words to the song that say “There is no power in hell, or any who can stand against the power of the presence of the Great I AM.”  It was clear to me why momma would lift her hands and praise God right there in the middle of our living room. Just like me, she had found an answer to all her hurt and sorrow.  Today it just wasn’t enough just to sing the words. As silly as it may have looked, I had to lift my hands and praise my God that completely redefined who I was.  The God who made it possible for me to no longer be the girl that lost both her parents, the girl that was broken and damaged, and the girl that no matter what she tried she was still the same empty and sad girl she was when she was seventeen. Instead I am the girl that is wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), the girl who may not understand why things happen but He will make them work out to the best of my benefit (Romans 8:28), and lastly the girl that even though what happened to me was meant to kill and destroy every part of my soul has the potential to save the lives of many (Genesis 50:20).  My story is no longer a tragedy, but instead it is an amazing victory; a story that I want to share with the entire world.  To me, that is something that deserves more than just singing the lyrics of a song, or saying a simple prayer.  That is something that makes me stop what I am doing, and give everything that I have, because God has given me a new life, He has given me a victory instead of a tragedy.  That is not something silly, but that is something incredibly beautiful.