Which Servant are you?

Last night in our life group we studied the parable in Matthew 25 of the king who distributed to his three servants a set of valuable coins.  If you aren’t familiar with the story, here is a little recap for you. In the parable each servant was left with a set of valuable coins according to their specific ability. The first servant was given ten, the second five and the third was given one. In the parable it gives an account of what each servant did with what his master had given him. The first and second servant invested his their valuable coins and returned to his master with double the amount, the master was pleased with these two servants, for they had grown his kingdom with their investment.   And as for the The third servant… The servant that reminded me so shamefully of myself, he did not go and invest, instead out of fear the servant hid the valuable thing that his master had given him and his master was not pleased.    

There are so many different things that you can learn from this small account in Matthew, but last night our concentration was geared towards the gifts that OUR master had given us and what we are called to do with that gift.

We learned that each of us have been given a specific gift by God to reach those who are far from Him. Last night I had our ladies name their gifts and they ranged from the ability to relate to those in all situations to their gift to reach those far from God with their artistic ability.  I don’t know what gift(s) God has given you, but it’s pretty clear in this story what the purpose for those gifts are and that is to invest and expand.

This story challenged me to compare myself to the servants and I challenge you to do the same. If you have to be honest with yourself, which servant does your life and actions resemble most? Are you like the first two servants who took what their master had given them and invested and grew the kingdom? Or are you more like the first servant who has taken the gift and hidden it?

In verse 24-25  the servant explains to his master all the reason as to why he didn’t invest what he was given, but the more times I read those two verses the more those reasons begin to sound like excuses. As Christ followers we are called to reach those who are far from God, PERIOD.  In the story the master wasn’t concerned with the all the reasons the servant had for not investing his gift he was only concerned that his kingdom was not grown because the he did not invest.

Listen ya’ll, there are so many excuses we could give that we feel justify why we aren’t using our gift to expand God’s Kingdom.  Busy schedules, being uncomfortable, lack of resources, the list could go on and on and Shoot, I am probably better at giving excuses than any of you who are reading this. But just as the master wasn’t concerned with all the reasons (excuses) his servant gave, God isn’t concerned with mine.

Yesterday my heart wasn’t only convicted with the lack of using my gift to reach his people, but also the misuse of that gift.  There have been more times than I can count that I have used the gift God has given me to move me forward and give me opportunities that I wouldn’t have otherwise. It’s such a wonderful thing to recognize that you have been blessed by God with a gift, but it isn’t just enough to recognize the gift but to understand the purpose of that gift. In the story the servants weren’t given the coins for their own selfish gain. They were given the coins so that they may go and expand their master’s kingdom and we called to do the same. 

I challenged our life group last night to push through our excuses and use our gift to reach those far from God, no matter the cost. I challenged them to push through uncomfortable situations and busy schedules to bring those who are far from God closer to Him and I challenge you to do the same!

I hope this encouraged you the way it did me.

Mark 16:15 “And he said to them, ‘Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.’”

Carpet Burns and Obedience

Pictured above is my son Landon (on right) and his friend Cooper (on left). This picture was taken the day of their preschool graduation. What is that on their forehead you ask?  Ohhhh the large scabs are nothing other than the carpet burn that they both gave themselves.  Yes, I said GAVE THEMSELVES.  These two crazy boys had the bright idea to rub their heads on the carpeted rug in their classroom as fast as they could, and this was the result.  And of course they chose the week of their graduation to carry out this bright idea. An idea that they had already been told earlier in the year not to do. 

I was frustrated with Landon when his teacher messaged me at work to let me know what he had just done.  My frustration wasn’t simply because his graduation was Friday and now he would have a huge scab in all of his pictures, but more so I was upset because Landon and Cooper both had been told previously in the year not to do this.  I couldn’t help but think had they both just been obedient and not followed through with something they had been told not to do, none of this would be an issue.

And of course, this where God decided to teach me something. He does this to me often.  He uses the things in my life to teach me practical truths about Him. 

I couldn’t help but think of all the times in my walk with God where I have been called to do something or not do something and my disobedience directly affects my life.  If l listed all the ways that I have been disobedient since I began my walk with Him three years ago we would be here all day.  So many times God has called me to do something or not to do something and I honestly didn’t understand why. Often I chose to do my own thing, simply because his direction and instruction didn’t make much sense to me, and every single time I am left wishing I had been obedient. 

I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree because just like me, Landon chose to do his own thing that day.  See, here’s the thing that God showed me in that moment.  I knew without a doubt Landon didn’t think about the fact that he would be participating in a graduation in just four days. I am also sure he didn’t have a clue that it could even leave a possible scar on his little head that he would carry for the rest of his life, however Landon did know that he had been asked not to do this, but he chose to do it anyway.  My sweet little boy couldn’t see the big picture, but his teachers could. Landon didn’t understand the reasoning behind the instruction he had been given, it didn’t make sense to him why he shouldn’t do it, so he chose to do what he wanted instead of what was better for him.

Doesn’t this remind you of God and yourself? So many times God instructs us to do or not something because he knows what is best for our lives, but because we can’t see the big picture or see what the affect our choice could have on our life, we do our own thing.  If you are a parent I imagine this post is one that you can relate to completely.  So many times we give our children instruction, not because we want to be bossy or because we just love to tell people what to do, but instead we do this because we can see the bigger picture and we know what is most beneficial for them.   If you do this with and for your children because of the love you have for them, imagine how much more it is true about God and his love for us. 

Look, I know sometimes God’s instruction doesn’t make any sense to us and we think doing our own thing is better. Sometimes when we can't see the purpose behind the instruction it's hard for us to be obedient, and to be honest the more I read the bible the more I realize it was the same way over 2,000 years ago. The week this happened with Landon and his friend Cooper I came across the story of the day that Jesus called his first Disciples.  In Luke Chapter 5 Jesus meets these two guys in a boat who were fisherman, they had fished all night and caught nothing and then Jesus shows up on the scene and instructs them to put down their nets for another catch.  These guys did this for a living, it wasn’t as if they were amateurs at this fishing gig, and then out of nowhere shows up this Jesus, a guy they really didn’t know and tells them to do the same thing that they had been doing all night with no success.  It doesn’t make much sense to me so I know it didn’t to them. But in verse 5, I was blown away by their answer.  It says “Simon answered, “Master we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets” ……BUT BECAUSE YOU SAY SO I WILL!!  Ya’ll if you keep reading the story you will see that not only did they finally catch fish, but they caught so much that their boats began to sink.  I don’t know about you, but I would venture to say that those two guys didn’t regret listening to God’s instruction that day. 

Landon’s self-inflicted carpet burn was such a clear reminder to me of the affect that disobedience can have on our life, but this story about Jesus and these fisherman encourages me that even when things don’t make sense my obedience can change my life. God has an abundant life for me and for you, but we have to be willing to let Him give it to us. 

Graduation and Validation

Validate me!!! Validate me!!! Validate me!!  That’s what the snap chat read that I sent to my friend Brittany as I headed to Tonya’s graduation.

Last night as I started down the road I was filled with excitement for my long time best friend Tonya. After three long years of continued perseverance she had finally finished all the requirements to receive her degree, and there couldn't have been a prouder friend in this world. But the closer I got to the ceremony the harder it became to press down the feelings of insecurity that were rising in me. As proud as I was of Tonya, I was as equally disappointed in myself. As excited as I was to see her walk across that stage I was envious because that’s not something I have ever done. I immediately felt my excitement and joy turning into sadness and disappointment.  In the bible there is a verse that instructs us to take our thoughts captive and submit them to God, but I couldn't help but feel like my thoughts were coming faster than I could captivate.

I began to feel overwhelmed with thoughts of failure, inadequacy and disappointment. There are so many things in my life that I feel like I have left undone. The degree that I never received, the career that I never obtained and the success that I always imagined myself having flashed before my eyes.  I went from being filled with joy and excitement to filling unfulfilled and defeated in minutes.  I could begin to feel my chest tighten and I could almost feel my joy being stripped from me one defeating thought at a time. And before I knew it, tears were filling my disappointed eyes.

Why couldn't things have been different for me? Why couldn't I have listened to the people in my life that encouraged me to continue my education and make something more of myself? Why couldn't I have persevered the way Tonya had and finished my degree so that I too could have walked across a stage and shook hands with Doctors and Deans who would congratulate me on a job well done.  Thought after thought my identity took a beating. I have fought feelings of failure in this area for several years now and finally the camel’s back was broken.  

I was so defeated and disappointed with myself I needed to tell someone, anyone. I picked up my phone and chose Brittany. I began to beg for her validation. I needed her to tell me that she still thought I was wonderful and that even though I was so unaccomplished I was still loved and cherished.  Brittany never replied to the twenty-five ridiculous snap chats that I sent her, but that’s OK because God did.  He replied with “She doesn't need to validate you, Bethany, because I already have.”  My tear filled eyes poured out and in that very moment I began to let God tell me who I was in Him. He spoke to my soul and told me just the opposite of all the things that I was feeling. He told me I was beautiful, loved, worthy and I was HIS child and that there wasn't an accomplishment left undone that could change the love he had for me.

You see, education and success aren't bad things. They are wonderful things that should be celebrated and something to feel proud of. I pray for my son Landon often and boldly that he will one day experience these wonderful things, but now more than ever I will begin to pray that he would find his worth in who God says he is and not in anything else. Degrees, titles, and a successful career are all beneficial and valuable things, they just aren't and never should be things that define who we are. With or without a degree I am still a child of God that He finds valuable enough to send his only son to die for. My identity and worth isn't found in what I do or don’t do but instead it is found in what has been done for me.

Last night I didn't walk away from that amphitheater feeling defeated or worthless, instead I walked away feeling the exact opposite because I chose to walk in the truth of who God says I am. Because of Him I was able to experience such joy and happiness as I celebrated my beautiful and wonderful friend Tonya and her accomplishments.

1 Peter 2:9  

⁹ But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

Finally a Pregnancy test that didn't disappoint!!!

In the early part of 2013 Chris and I began to talk about growing our family, and after nine long months of tossing around the idea we made a final decision. By the beginning of 2014 we had made all the financial and logistic changes that needed to be made and we began to try for baby Robinson, but it hasn’t been easy.

With every late cycle came a glimpse of hope and Pinterest would become my best friend. Pin after Pin my excitement would build. Baby reveals, baby showers, and baby names consumed my thoughts but every time there was always a negative pregnancy test to shatter my hopes and dreams.

 For over a year now I have had nothing but negative answers from each pregnancy test that I have taken. I wish that I could write this and tell you that although the answer that I was given wasn’t the answer I had hoped for my heart still rejoiced, but it hasn’t. I wish that I could tell you that the sign of one single line instead of two didn’t devastate my soul, but it has. I wish that there weren’t countless nights filled with tears to tell you about, but there are. The truth is that with every negative answer that I have read I could almost feel the bitterness arise a little at a time inside of me. I could feel my heart becoming numb and apathetic to all the good things that surround me. And the anger, it has been unbearable. I would see women with pregnant bellies and instead of feeling happiness for them I couldn’t think of anything but why she was good enough and I wasn’t. I began to feel numb toward God and avoided a conversation with him at all cost. I showed up to church every Sunday morning but that was honestly out of obligation to my responsibility to the church, not because of my relationship with Him.

 But just like every other time in my life, even in my sour apathy God showed up on a Sunday morning and met me exactly where I was, and finally I cried out to Him in desperation for his comfort. With tears streaming down my face I cried out to him from the bottom of my soul. I told Him I knew that He knows what is best for me. That His will for my life is greater than my own. I know He is a good God who loves me and wants nothing but the best for me, but even though I know and believe all of these things I was still so heartbroken. I couldn’t quite understand how even with this knowledge of his goodness I was supposed to be able look at a negative pregnancy test and not be devastated. I didn't know how to see everyone around me pregnant and not feel hopeless, and I didn't know how to walk past the empty room at the end of my hallway and not feel like I can't breathe because it is still empty. And in that moment I heard Him speak to me that I didn’t have to know how to do any of those things, I just need to make HIM Lord and let him be the source of my joy, not a test and the number of lines that do or don’t appear.

See I have a track record of trying to fill my life with things and relationships to bring me happiness and satisfaction. And I was beginning to see all the similarities to this time and all the other times I have sought out joy in things other than God. Needless to say each and every attempt has failed me miserably. I was putting so much pressure on a pregnancy test and I was letting the results of that determine my emotions. Since the test was negative so was my attitude and outlook. I thought so strongly that if the answers to the test would have been positive then I would be happy, but I was so wrong. Sure being pregnant might would have brought me happiness in the moment, but that is not what I am after and that is not what my soul longs for. I am looking for complete satisfaction and happiness and there is no test or baby in the world that can do that. God has to be that for me. Like I said, I have a track record for these situations where I seek joy in things outside of God and as much as I would love to have a baby and a family of four I am thankful that God used something so close to my heart to reteach me something I desperately need to grasp. This Morning the test that I took was negative and for the first time in sixteen months my soul wasn’t crushed and for that I am thankful. 

Psalm 107:9 “For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things”


 PS. Five months ago I was thinking of names and I decided on the name Elizabeth for a girl. I wasn’t sure why, because quite frankly I wasn’t even crazy about the name as a matter of fact I didn’t care for it at all. I just knew in my heart if I ever had a little girl her name was supposed to be Elizabeth. Today I looked up the biblical definition of Elizabeth and it means God is satisfaction. God began his work in teaching me this five months ago ya’ll!! I can’t make this stuff up!

I do not have out door furniture!!!

Every Thursday I host life group at my house. A group of ladies get together and meet, have snacks and dive into God's word. It is my most favorite time of the week!! But this Thursday was going to be a little different! We have quite a few October birthdays in our group so we decided to just spend a Thursday night celebrating these sweet girls and creating community within our group by painting pumpkins outside and enjoying the fall weather! I was sooo excited and looking foward to doing something different with these women...Until an hour before our group was going to meet and it hit me... I have NO out door furniture. NONE. No table, no chairs, no where for twenty women to get their craft on with their baby pumpkins. I wanted to quit. I was seconds away from calling my friend Brittany and having her send out a mass text with a new meeting place because I was not equipped to host this. As women, I think we can all agree that feeling like this is one of our biggest struggles, at least it is mine. I feel like we are in constant battle with ourselves and our thoughts that we are not enough. Rather it be in our physical appearance, in our relationships or even in our calling. Sometimes I think women, myself included, get so caught up in all the things we lack that we forget and drown out all of the things that we do have. We say no to God and the things he's called us to do because we don't think we have what it takes to do the things he's asked of us. But here's the thing... When God has called us or ask us to do something, He doesn't need you to have all the things you think you need or things that you don't have. He just needs you to say YES. He just wants you to use the things and the talents that he has already blessed you with. How many times have you put something off or said no to something you knew God was calling you to do because you felt ill-equipped. I know I have on more than one occasion. Last night I didn't feel like I had what it took to be a host to these women. I thought I didn't have what I needed... I didn't have patio furniture. I had nothing to facilitate twenty women to paint pumpkins outside and enjoy the fall weather. BUT guess what!? We STILL painted pumpkins, we STILL had a night of community among women who love Jesus and desire to know him more. New friendships were STILL made and old friendships were STILL strengthened. Women STILL heard Brittany share from her heart about the unfailing and redeeming God has for each of us. It all STILL happened! None of things I didn't have mattered. All I had to offer was a kitchen table and a willingness (after a small panic attack haha) to use the things that I did have to follow through with something God has called me to do. And that was all that I needed and was all God wanted me to have. Who would have thought that God would have used something so small and simple like not having out door furniture to teach me something so Big. I want to encourage you to not let the feeling of being ill-equipped to stop you from following your dreams and moving forward with the things you know God has called and created you to do!! Don't let the feeling of not being enough drown out the great things God has in store for you!!! “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Eph. 2:10

Don't be silenced...

Today in my devotion time with the Lord, I spent some time in the word reading Luke 1:1-25. This passage is about Zechariah and Elizabeth, the parents of John The baptist. For those of you who aren't familiar with the story of these two and the news about the coming of John the baptist I will give you a quick recap.

So this man Zechariah and his wife Elizabeth are two pretty old people who love God. Elizabeth longed to have a child but was not able because she was barren. And then one day Zechariah was visited by the angel Gabriel and was told that his wife Elizabeth would have a son and his name would be John. In verse 18 Zechariah responded to the angel by saying "How shall I now this? For I am an old man and my wife is advanced in years?" Pretty much saying to Gabriel look man, my wife is old how in the world do you expect her to have a baby, and because of Zechariah's disbelief in what God had just promised him, he was silenced. Zechariah was not able to speak until the birth of John the baptist.

I learned a few things from this story that I wanted to share with you! 

Let's start with Elizabeth. I am positive that Elizabeth felt a void from the lack of children she was unable to conceive. I know people who are in their 30's who have trouble conceiving a child and the devastation that it causes. How much more devastated Elizabeth must have been to be barren and on top of that now she is old. BUT even though, even though,  Elizabeth had given up on the prayer that she might have a child, she didn't give up on God. In verse 6 & 7 it tells us "6 And they were both righteous before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and statutes of the Lord. 7 but they had no child.."  We have to be like Elizabeth, we can't give up on God just because he hasn't given us what we've asked for, we have to love and serve him in our storm. 

Now on to  Zechariah. I want you to think about the most repetitious prayer that you have prayed in your life. You see there is no doubt that Zechariah had prayed and prayed for his wife to be blessed with a child, but at this stage in Elizabeth's life it would have been some sort of miracle for her to become pregnant. For Pete's sake she was old and I am sure they had tried every which way to have a baby, but it just never happened. It seemed impossible. But one day this beautiful angel show's up on the scene with a promise from God that their miracle was on it's way, but even then Zechariah was in disbelief. He questioned Gabriel he wanted to know how he could be sure, Gabriel's words just weren't enough. Because of Zechariah's disbelief he was silenced!!! 

Can you imagine?? You just had a face to face conversation with a magnificent angel and found out that your wife who you thought couldn't have children was going to have a son, and you can't even tell anyone. You are silenced. I don't know about you, but as a girl who loves to talk, I would have went bonkers!! Just think about all conversations Zechariah missed out on because of his disbelief. The bible tells in verse 20 "And behold, you will be silent and unable to speak until the day that these things take place, because you did not believe my words..." Until his miracle was fulfilled he missed out. 

Don't be like Zechariah, don't be silenced. If God has promised something to you and you are in a season of waiting, I want to challenge you. Please don't miss out on the joy God has in store for you while you wait. I want to challenge you to wait with anxious expectation. Wait with the belief that the God you are petitioning is great and powerful and IS capable of giving you the miracle. Don't be silenced, just believe. 

My son was gone...

Today, Landon and I were invited to a birthday party for my very best friend's daughter, Natalie!  We were both excited to watch Natalie celebrate her birthday with her family and friends, and I was doubly excited because it meant I was able to spend the day outside with the most precious gift God ever blessed me with, my son Landon.  But, I never expected to experience what happened next.
When we first arrived I noticed how large the playground was and how many people were also enjoying this beautiful day. I was a little apprehensive letting Landon lose to play freely with his friends without hovering over him the whole time, but I know he is getting older and I needed to loosen the reins a bit.  I walked around the play ground to check it out and I was relieved that I  was only able to find one way to exit, so with that peace of mind,  I let him go and play. I even thought to myself, in that moment, I couldn't believe he was at the age now where I felt comfortable doing this. Every few minutes I would check on him and catch a glimpse of his little white head running around like the ninja he is, but then all of a sudden, I couldn't spot him.
It was a large playground so I initially didn't freak out and I started to walk through the play ground imaging his little head popping up and I would feel relieved...but I didn't. By this time the other adults had started to search for him also and I told myself  "It's ok Bethany don't freak out just call his name" but after three times circling the area and calling his name over and over again, I LOST IT! This just can't be happening, my son can't be gone. I couldn't breath; people were asking me what he was wearing and I seriously didn't think I could get the words out of my mouth and not throw up. Tears were streaming down my face and I could barely yell his little name. I felt faint. I don't know how many of you reading this are parents or if this has ever happened to you before, but I don't know that I've experienced anything more heart wrenching and devastating.  My baby boy was no where to be found, and I had no idea what happened to him. And just before I started to yelled to everyone on that playground to stay exactly where they were and not move, I heard "I think he his over here" For the next fifteen minutes I was in my own little world, I can't imagine loving anything more than I love that child and just the mere thought of him being gone from me was more than I could handle.  Out of all the horrible things that I imagined could have happened to Landon when I was searching for him it had to be that someone had taken him from me. You see, I know what makes Landon happy and I know what makes him sad. I know everything about him, I know that he has two moles behind each of his little knees, and I also know that Leonardo is his favorite Ninja Turtle. He is my child and there isn't anyone else that knows him better than me........except God.
That's when I was overwhelmed how God must feel when we step out from under God's care and love.  If I love Landon as much as I do and I am only human, can you even begin to imagine how much God loves YOU?  Psalm 139 13-14 says it all "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..."  He made you, he knows exactly what you need and what you don't. He has plans for you and he had those plans long before you were born "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do"(Ephesians 2:10) He is YOUR creator, and He knows YOU!
Today, when I layed eyes on that precious boy,  I immediately started running towards him. I didn't care that he had gone to a place I told him not to and I didn't care that I had to call his name over and over again with no answer. I was just happy that my child was back in my arms where he belonged, and I know if I  feel this way about my child, I have no doubt it is how God feels about us.
God doesn't care where you are or where you have been. He doesn't care if he's been calling your name for the last twenty years with no response. He loves you more than you could ever imagine. His grace is never ending and his love is never failing, and He just wants you back in His arms where you belong!!!

If it's been a long time since you have heard just how much God loves you, I would like to encourage you to be my guest tomorrow morning at Revolution Church at the Central YMCA in Gastonia at 10:30


^{Romans 8:38-39
38} For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.