Have you ever found yourself in
a situation where the man or woman you love seems to continually disappoint you
or fall short? If you are anything like me,
you may be able to deal with it for a time and a season, but eventually you
reach a point when enough is enough and we throw in our flag and give up. I
remember a time in my life where I thought I had no choice but to give up on my
relationship with my fiancé, Chris. Don’t get me wrong, Chris is a great
provider, wonderful dad to our son, and I have never questioned his commitment
to me; however I just didn't feel loved. I didn't THINK my expectations
were unrealistic, I didn't expect a dozen roses when I walked in from work every
day, I just wanted to feel loved, the little things like
holding my hand, compliments and such ( I know the ladies know what I’m talking
about). Well right about the time I decided I just couldn’t handle anymore disappointment
I came to the realization that the things I had experienced in my life had not
only set me up to need an overdose of love and affection but also had made me
totally insecure and afraid about any situation I found myself in. I needed to
constantly feel loved, safe, and secure and Chris was who I looked to for that.
As I started to consider my past and how it had affected me, I also began to
consider Chris's past and how it might have affected him. Chris had never been in a situation where he
was completely depended upon, and I’m not exactly what you would call an “independent
woman”, especially when it comes to my emotional needs, so it hadn't exactly
been easy breezy for him either. We talked about it all and I shared my
feelings with him. When the line of communication was open and clear, Chris and
I began to work on things. We both
understood each other’s needs and made a commitment to do our best to fix what
was wrong. We both agreed that our love for one another was far too real to
call it quits. Chris began to do the
small things more often than before, like holding my hand and telling me I was
beautiful. I also started to work on my
feelings of insecurity and fear that he would leave me just as my parents had. For a while, things began to look up, but it
didn’t last long. Chris gave his best
effort to make me feel loved and reassure me that my insecurities were false,
but it just wasn't enough. I can’t even begin to tell you how devastated I felt
when I thought the relationship with the man I planned to marry and the father
of my son had come to an end…and then something happened. Now you can call me crazy, but I don’t think
it’s any coincidence that this all took place at the same time I could see God
relentlessly pursuing my heart and I made the decision to give my life back to
Him. I just couldn’t understand why I
had gained a relationship with God, but I was losing the one with the man I
loved. I prayed and prayed and asked God
to change him, and that’s when God revealed to me that Chris wasn’t the
problem, it was ME. You see, Chris was definitely
the most important person in my life, and my happiness was strongly dependent
on him and how I thought he felt about me. The expectation I had for him
wasn't for him to simply hold my hand and compliment me, I had been expecting
him to be my EVERYTHING... my love, my best friend, my protector, my
provider, and so much more. The
expectations that I had placed on him were BEYOND unrealistic. It doesn’t matter how incredible and
wonderful Chris actually is, it is totally impossible for a MAN to do a job that GOD only intended for Himself. When I
allowed God to be my EVERYTHING my love, my best friend, my protection, and
my provider; the expectation I had put on Chris quickly began to fade along
with the constant disappointment. Once I finally quit expecting Chris to do
something for me that only God can do, our love exploded and is stronger now
than ever before. We live in a world
where everything changes; Jobs change, body images change, your financial situation
can change, everything can change. I don’t
know about you, but I’ll take my chances on letting the only thing from the
beginning of time that hasn’t changed to be my EVERYTHING, rather than
something or someone that can change overnight and can be gone within a blink
of an eye! God, I can never thank you
enough for saving my life and my relationship.
Thank you for blessing me with such an incredible man that I am now
madly in love with all because You allowed me to free him of all the
unrealistic expectations I had put on him!
John 14:27 “I am
leaving you with a gift- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a
gift the
world cannot give.
So don’t be troubled or afraid.”
